A Rainbow Family

The big gender scan...

2010-03-03T21:16:00.003+10:00

I'm halfway there to meeting my baby boy... That's right we're having a boy! Found out at the scan last week. Scan photos are blurry and no good so I don't think I'll bother posting it. So when we found out he's a boy we freaked a little. Everyone was so convinced we were having a girl, and my family was really hoping for a girl too. We haven't had a girl in the family for a long time. Since my sister 20 years ago! So yep, we did have a little freak out when we saw that extra appendage between his legs.

But then we started talking about the positives of having a boy. J is exited about chemistry sets, model cars and superman outfits. And I started remembering that before everyone talked me in to having a girl, I always dreamed of having a little boy. I really find little boys totally adorable. And so now it is easy to imagine this boy coming in to our family...

I'm starting to look pregnant now. People who I don't know well or have never met now ask me when the baby is due. And today I went for a walk down the street and couldn't believe how pregnant my profile looked in the shop windows (yes, I was checking myself out!).

Really enjoying this part of pregnancy. I'm feeling the little man kick and J and I are starting to connect with him. My belly is sticking out and I feel pregnant. But I don't feel too uncomfortable. Have a funny numb spot on my tummy, and still getting muscle aches and pains and headaches. But the positives are far, far outweighing the negatives.

I am really excited about meeting our boy. Bring it on.

Feeling great!

2010-02-15T20:43:00.002+10:00

Wow! What a difference a couple of weeks can make. My energy levels are definitely picking up. It's 9pm and I still feel like a human being!

Just in time for my first Pregnastics class. That's right - pregnastics! No, it is not gymnastics for pregnant women, so no handstands or cartwheels. It is a circuit class run by the physios at my hospital. It will be good motivation to keep moving and should help me get through to the third trimester. J went out and bought me some extra comfy exercise pants with a lovely stretchy band at the top so I will be looking super hot and ready for my first pregnastics class with all the other preggos. Yay!

Getting really excited about meeting the baby. Almost halfway now. Time has already gone so fast.

Yes we are alive

2010-02-08T19:12:00.003+10:00

I just had the CRAZIEST January in the world followed by a holiday in New Zealand. January was busy because we had a heap of government tenders due in. I worked my butt off which was really hard considering my low, low pregnancy energy. Then the day after the last funding application went in, we jumped on a plane and went to visit J's family in NZ. The holiday was great. J's family are so supportive of this pregnancy and our niece was so excited about her new cousin, she couldn't her her hands off my belly. She kept talking to my bump and telling the baby to grow into a girl. So sweet.

Now I'm back and catching up with everyone's blogs. Wow! Happy to hear about the beautiful babies who've come in to the world. Sorry to hear a few people got BFNs this month. I'm rooting for you and sending lots of fertile thoughts your way.

Meanwhile, all going well here. My energy is coming back bit by bit. And I am getting a little more exercise than before (still not enough I'm sure hehe!)

This week has been a very exciting one in my home State of Queensland. The Government has passed laws that allow J to be recognised as a legal parent and named on the birth certificate! Last year the Australian Government changed most of the laws that impact on our child e.g. J recognised as a parent if we separate and automatically gets shared custody. But the State laws hadn't changed, so J couldn't go on the birth certificate. Just tonight the law changed! It is so exciting for us. I am over the moon that J is now considered a parent in every law in our country. Yay!

It's moments like these that you understand the importance of democracy and electing good legislators with strong values.

PS Next scan 22nd Feb!

Picture!!

2010-01-08T08:35:00.004+10:00

Sad News

2010-01-08T08:29:00.004+10:00

All well with J and I and the baby. However, I am devastated that close to home in Australia, Hannah and Rima (Sesame Seed Sized Dreams) lost their daughter Zainab at 34w pregnant after a horrible car accident.

So angry that other people's actions can destroy the dreams of a family and end the life of an innocent baby.

Thinking of them with love and sadness...

Things that make me cry

2009-12-27T09:48:00.002+10:00

Since falling pregnant, here are a few things that have had me in tears:

Anything to do with Christmas
Sick children
The end of the weekend - having to go to work on a Monday and not be able to spend time with J
My sister coming over for a drink with J and me not being able to drink with them
Anyone dying on TV, being born on TV or crying on TV

I am a seriously emotional crazy pregnant woman (and that's not even talking about the grumpy moods that set in at no notice!). Poor J she is being very patient with me...

Finally some pictures!

2009-12-23T19:00:00.006+10:00

Finally I have sorted out my problems with blogger and can post some pics!

7w4d scan

10w scan

Our cute pooch. Dressed up by the kids next door in Santa hat and scarf hand-knitted especially for him!!

We have a very cute little bobble head..

2009-12-19T17:32:00.002+10:00

Scan was perfect. Measuring 10w1d (I'm 1o weeks). It had grown so much since last time and now really looks like a living thing that will become a baby. I feel so much more connected to this pregnancy and this baby. And much less nervous about something bad happening.

Bring on the second trimester - I want me some of that baby glow and happy hormones!

Away from my wife

2009-12-16T22:49:00.001+10:00

I'm in Melbourne tonight away from the beautiful J. When I first started travelling for work it was such a novelty. Now I really dislike it so much. Mostly I just hate being in a hotel room away from J.

All going well on the prgnancy front. Tiredness there but not debilitating anymore. Tummy still a little unhappy. Have told a few more people and their reactions have been so positive.

I was expecting people to ask questions that would annoy me eg 'who is the father?'. But so far none of that. People just talk to me assuming that J and I are both parents-to-be and doing this together. That's been really affirming.

2 sleeps until our next scan...

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

9 sleeps until...

2009-12-09T21:30:00.001+10:00

9 sleeps until our next scan. I felt so relieved after our first scan only to feel worried again within a few days. Now I keep telling myself I can relax after this next scan but then there'll be more... People tell me the worrying never stops and gets worse after they're born. What was it like for you? Did you relax after the 1st trimester?

I also need help with prams. I'm going to need one that's not too heavy because we'll have to get it up and down a few stairs at the front of our house. But the light prams have less functionality e.g. you can't reverse them or fit a basinette. Also it's hard to find one that will suit from infant to toddler. Advice anyone?

Have been feeling kinda weird tummy wise - not quite full blown nausea, but feel queasy often and it only goes away when I eat. Still incredibly tired all the time. Can't wait for that to pass (hope it does). Otherwise I'm happy and feeling good.

I havent been online much lately. Looking forward to catching up on all of your news and gossip.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

We have a heartbeat!

2009-11-30T14:14:00.001+10:00

No blighted ovum etc. One grey blob on the screen with a flickering heartbeat! Doctor says 98% of pregnancies proceed normally following confirmation of embryo. Very, very relieved. Now for my afternoon nap in the car at work!

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

American thanksgiving in Oz, family, and waiting for a scan

2009-11-29T18:28:00.004+10:00

Have had such a busy month in November - three international visitors in one month and it's part of my role to facilitate their visit. That means busy days, and lots of entertaining - and lots of time away from J.

This week we had a great woman from New York visiting and we negotiated with her to stay a few days longer. That meant she would be with us for Thanksgiving and not her family. So we decided to put on a Thanksgiving dinner in the office. It was such a lovely night. The first Thanksgiving for all of us except our guest. I especially liked the part where we all went around the table and shared what we were thankful for. It was a work do, so most of us spoke about what we valued about our work and our colleagues but was still nice to affirm each other.

In my last post I mentioned briefly that I'd post about telling my family I'm pregnant. Thanks to everyone who answered and gave me hope things will be OK. Basically, all of my family is very supportive of J and I except my dad. When I came out, he didn't speak to me for several years and even now he won't acknowledge J - he's actually quite rude to her. I just know that he will not cope well with the idea of me being pregnant. It will completely freak him out. He is very conservative and thinks every child should have a mother and a father.

I've told my mum and sisters I'm pregnant and in consultation with them we've decided my strategy for dealing with him will be - a) wait until after Christmas to tell him (mum wants a stress free Christmas) b) mum will tell dad so I don't have to hear his immediate reaction which could be pretty harsh c) dad is going to be told that I don't want to hear from him until he can be positive d) the family isn't going to tell me about his reaction if it's negative so that I can effectively stay in a 'pregnancy bubble'

Everyone thinks that when dad sets eyes on the baby he will fall in love (he loves children) and that we just need to get through until then. I feel sad and worried that my mum and sister who live with dad will have to carry the burden of his reaction but they both think that's best and I feel really lucky that they're willing to protect me from bearing the brunt of his reaction. I'm so blessed to have such wonderful women in my life.

Finally - scan tomorrow. We will hopefully hear a heartbeat. I hope it goes OK.

6 weeks

2009-11-23T08:56:00.001+10:00

2 weeks ago today I was nervously driving in for my hcg test and waiting for the results - time has really flown since I found out I was pregnant. So far symptoms are not too bad. Only the tiredness gets me down sometimes.
In one week we have our scan and hope to hear a heartbeat. I feel like I might start to really believe Im having a baby then.
Right now Im just concentrating on being pregnant and trying not to think too much about the baby at the end...
Meanwhile work has still been busy but I think it eases after his week and then we're on the downward slope to Christmas.
I'll post laterthis week about telling family - I'm interested in your advice about how you all told / would tell family (especially the ones that you know are going to freak out!). Don't have the emotional energy to post about it now though.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

What does 5 weeks feel like?

2009-11-14T18:36:00.002+10:00

Hmmm.. it's a weird feeling being so early in pregnancy. I don't feel confident I'm pregnant because I want to wait until my scan in 2 weeks and yet I am tring to stay positive. J doesn't seem to be feeling it as real either.

I'm having some early pregnancy symptoms. The main one is fatigue - it's a different exhaustion from sleep deprivation, it kind of feels like I've been drugged. I have to drag myself through work most days (sometimes with a nap in the car at lunch) and then other days I feel fine. My digestive system is a little upset, with lots and lots of burping and farting (TMI sorry)! No funny smells or nausea yet. Fingers crossed I get off lightly!

Have been really busy at work with lots of functions. That equals lots of catering which means pre-prepared salads, deli meat, salmon, soft cheeses, poached eggs for breakfast, alcohol etc. It's hard to make excuses for why I'm not eating. And it's hard not eating when you're trapped at a venue and starving. Will have to pack back up food in my work bag I think!

Thanks to everyone for your congratulations. Hopefully my next TWW (for scan) flies by!

Three letters - B.F.P.

2009-11-10T08:27:00.002+10:00

HCG over 400 at 17 days post insem (I was so excited I forgot the number - somewhere over 430, maybe 450?!)

Scan in 3 weeks to confirm pregnancy.

We are feeling very hopeful and positive!

Two lines three times...

2009-11-08T16:30:00.001+10:00

Positive urines days 15 & 16 post IUI
Blood test tomorrow
Hoping for a nice strong beta this time around

14 days post IUI

2009-11-06T13:34:00.001+10:00

No sign of AF yet
No full-on pregnancy symproms like last month
A little cramping and tired, but that could mean AF on the way
Last month AF after chemical pregnancy came at 16dpiui so we'll see
Holding my breath (not literally, don't worry!)

Green eyed monster....

2009-11-01T18:45:00.003+10:00

Our neighbours (who we are good friends with) decided on their honeymoon to start trying to get pregnant. They did the deed unprotected once. They are now pregnant. WTF?!!

I initially felt very jealous because I want to be pregnant, I'm currently TWWing, and J and I couldn't get pregnant on our honeymoon if we tried (although trying is fun!)

Then that gave way to sadness because I really don't feel like this month is my month.

Then that gave way to hope and anxiety - suddenly I care whether I do get pregnant or not this month because I would love us to be due at the same time. That would be really cool. And now I care too much and I feel like peeing on a stick which I haven't felt like doing at all.

Feeling slightly loopy at the moment. Hope it passes.

Mexican Food and Falling In Love (Again)

2009-10-28T19:53:00.004+10:00

To all of you Americans reading - I long for the great Mexican food that you can get (OK, I am sure not all of you can get great Mexican where you live, but I have eaten the most delicious Mexican in San Francisco and New York so allow me to generalise!).

Tonight J and I went on a spontaneous date to a little Mexican restaurant on our side of town. It was nice to spend a time talking instead of watching TV or going to karate. We had a really nice time together. The company was great. The food was not so great. I don't know how people can say it's the best Mexican in our city. It really doesn't come near what I've had in the States.

Anyway, we're having a great week this week. Last week I was seriously grumpy with all of my blood tests, ultrasound and general prodding and probing in the early hours of the morning.

J is also in a good mood, she's changing jobs and is in her last week of her old job before a one week break in between jobs. This all makes for a really happy home. We always get along well, but there are occasions like this week when we're both in a really great frame of mind and we are just loving and positive towards each other. It's like we fall in love all over again.

Does that happen with you? And can you find decent Mexican food where you live?!!

Babies babies everywhere

2009-10-25T15:30:00.001+10:00

It's funny when you're ttc how everybody seems to be getting pregnant and having babies. Today I cuddled my second newborn for the week. Our neighbours had a friend over who ha her bub last Sunday and my cousin had a little boy last week as well. Both are totally adorable doing that cute thing when you hold them where they tuck their knees up and curl into you and make those cute little grunts. Absolutely adorable!

Insem went ahead on Friday followed by a trigger hcg shot in the bum. Not sure exactly why because I thought usually you trigger 24 to 36 hrs before insem. Specialist said it will help me ovulate and also helps the corpus luteum produce hormones. I'm happy with him and everything helps I guess.

Much more relaxed this tww. J and I both don't really feel like it's 'the month' so slightly hopeful but not counting on it. Will try to stay relaxed until AF arrives or doesn't in a couple of weeks.

Weather is divine at the moment. Weekend has been very relaxing. Busy two weeks ahead at work with a guest from UK training our staff and Im hosting her. Will keep me occupied.

Have a great week everyone!

-- Posted from my iPhone

I have me a nice big juicy follicle

2009-10-22T07:27:00.000+10:00

Yesterdays's fears are gone.
Scan says I have a lovely big follicle about to pop! Blood says I'm about to ovulate too. Insem today or tomorrow.
So it turns out it's a few days late but all looking 'normal'.

-- Posted from my iPhone

Stupid cycle rant

2009-10-21T20:46:00.003+10:00

So something strange is happening with my cycle. I'm at day 15 and the specialist was expecting a LH surge today and insem tomorrow. But nothing.

So I'm in for a scan tomorrow to see what's happening with my cycle.

This all annoys me because it means more 7am blood tests. And a stupid ultrasound. My arm is sick of blood tests and my brain is sick of early mornings.

And I feel afraid that because of my chemical pregnancy and subsequent evil AF that I won't ovulate at all this month.

On the flip side...

Congratulations to the women at a little turtle and girls seeking gabber for their BFPs. What a great week it's been in blogland!

Submission hangover and pooch problems

2009-10-16T07:32:00.004+10:00

Have spent this week working on a government tender. I work for a not for profit and part of my role involves writing funding applications. I actually quite like it. It feels a lot like uni - mostly because no matter how organised I am, I still always staying up all night the night before to get it finished and it's always getting posted right at 5pm on the day! It's a big adrenalin rush that leaves me with 'submission hangover' the next day. I've mailed off the tender and now it's a 3 - 6 month wait to hear if we're successful. So it's a bit of a let down with no immediate feedback.

In other news our puppy Mr C has been scratching really badly lately. So bad that two nights ago J got really cranky and slept in the spare room! The first time in our 5.5yr relationship that one of us has done that, so an indication of how bad it was. J took the poor pooch to the doctor and it turns out he has an allergy. He was given steroids and anti-histamines to take for a short time and already after one day has stopped scratching. Now that he's stopped I realise how bad it had got and I feel really guilty for letting it go so long. Right now he's snuggled up beside me on the lounge sleeping away. He's totally sweet.

It's the quiet two weeks of the month for me. Started monitoring my cycle again, taking my vitamins but otherwise don't feel like we're ttc. Which is really NICE. It's nice to be able to think about other things, post about other things and generally feel like my body is 'normal'.

Sorry to hear a few people in blogland have had a visit from AF. For those of you, I'll see you when you join me on the TWW train again in a couple of weeks.

Happy times here

2009-10-11T19:58:00.002+10:00

Sitting on the lounge, hanging out with J with the puppy and kitties sleeping beside us. Have had a great weekend. Caught up with family, had breakfast with some new friends who are using the same fertility specialist as us, and painted the neighbours kitchen cupboards. Yes, it's true, J offered to do this for them while they're on their honeymoon as a wedding present - isn't she a honey?! Life is great.

Have changed my pre-conception regime a little - more water, low dose aspirin, Mega B vitamins and my regular pre-conception vitamins. Read up on chemical pregnancies and Vitamin B6 and baby aspirin seem to be the treatment to assist with the uterus lining.

We've come through to the other side

2009-10-07T13:43:00.003+10:00

Well yesterday was a BAD day. Today has been a GREAT day.

Grandma got her results back and she has a really, really rare clump of gallstones that looked exactly like a soft tissue mass. So no cancer. She's still sick, but as long as they can clear the stones, it's not life threatening. How great is that!

AF came today which was a relief. I had convinced myself already that my placenta was going to keep growing and releasing hCG even if there was nothing there and that it would be months before I could do another round!

Relieved AF came because I can now move on to IUI#2. The positive thing is I know I can get pregnant, I just need it to stick around now.

The scare of losing Grandma in the last few days has given me a lot of perspective on things and that's been really good for me.

Onwards and upwards.

Thanks to those who left comments when I was feeling down.

Not a good day today

2009-10-06T16:53:00.004+10:00

I had a positive urine test this morning which was much darker, so went in for blood test with high hopes. Called back and hCG levels are only 6. This is very low so looks like the embryo's gone or is on it's way.

Hope AF hurries up and comes. It sucks finding out you're not pregnant but no AF to show for it. It's a weird feeling.

Feel sad but OK. I'm focusing on waiting on Grandma's test results. We'll hear tonight or tomorrow morning. My bad news is nothing in comparison to what we might hear about Grandma.

I'm completely exhausted. Tried to sleep this afternoon but only nodded off. Was up until 2am making 15 uni assignments. Stayed at my parent's house last night with my sister because mum and dad still stuck in Paris. It's quite a bit of pressure having mum and dad away while all this is going on.

Just called J and had a big cry. She has organised for someone else to teach karate tonight so we'll be able to look after each other.

What a big day. Hopefully next time I post I'll be bringing some good news.

Life just threw me a huge curveball

2009-10-05T08:19:00.004+10:00

For the last fortnight I have spent all of my time obsessing and stressing over every little indication that I might be pregnant.

All of that stopped on Saturday afternoon. I found out my Grandma had gone into hospital and then spent the night in Emergency with her. She has a huge mass on her common bile duct and is very sick. We won't know until later this week after more scans and consultation with specialists about what her formal diagnosis is or what the treatment will be.

All of a sudden I feel like me being pregnant doesn't matter so much. What will be, will be. If I am pregnant, it will be something positive for me at a really sad time. If I'm not, that's OK too - I can focus my emotional energy on grandma and looking after myself.

So today is the day I am expecting AF to arrive. If it doesn't come in a couple of days, I'll get a blood test.

In the meantime, I'm having a couple of days off work to be with grandma at hospital. My parents are in Paris at the moment and trying to get back, so I want to be there as much as possible until they get back.

Tentatively excited...

2009-10-02T21:10:00.004+10:00

All the signs are looking good. Cramping for two days straight on days 8/9 post IUI, food smelling VERY strong and iffy and... a faint line on the pee test this morning.

Have got enough tests to check every morning up until 1 day after I expect AF so will keep checking and hopefully the line will get darker.

Then provided AF doesn't come, will book in for a blood test on Tuesday.

Trying to stay calm and not get ahead of myself. I have read about quite a few chemical pregnancies with people that get an early positive and then AF comes along.

7 days post iui (not that I'm counting!!)

2009-09-28T07:58:00.002+10:00

OK maybe I am counting. Every morning at 7.30am the day number changes. Then I start googling "7 dpo", "7dpo pregnancy symptoms" , "pregnant first try iui", "7 days post iui", "positive pregnancy test 7 dpo". I think you get the idea.

Basically all my googling tells me - my chances of pregnancy this month are between 8 - 25%, most people implant between 8 and 10 days post ovulation, although some women will implant between 6 and 12 days. The symptoms of early pregnancy can easily be confused for normal bodily experiences and PMS - eg tired, some cramping, sore breasts etc.

I am halfway through my first TWW, and so far it hasn't been too bad (other than the obsessive web searching). I think I can make it through another week. I'm hoping the first TWW is the worst that after my first let-down I'll be prepared for the others (if there is a first let down and others!).

I re-read the donor profile this morning. I still feel really happy with the donor we've chosen.

Now it's off to work for some Monday morning madness!

post IUI

2009-09-26T19:05:00.003+10:00

This is a post from J. All of the posts before this have been from B. In fact, I didn't even realise B was posting until last week!

This whole journey is exactly that. A journey. It is interesting how each person perceives the events. I have been happily living in complete denial because my body isn't the one having to go through all of the awkward appointments and changes. Of course, as yet we haven't undergone any changes because we're still undergoing our first cycle! I am really excited about everything - but so glad I'm not going first! B is great.

Let's hope we're one of the lucky ones that get pregnant first go! *fingers and legs crossed*

Aussie Dust Storms

2009-09-25T20:51:00.005+10:00

This is what our city looked like on Wednesday this week. Can you believe it? We've had a huge dust storm blowing red dust through the cities on the east coast. It's set to come back tomorrow. Our lungs and eyes and nose feel all stuffy. Yuck.

But it does make for some amazing pictures!

IUI #1

2009-09-22T07:33:00.002+10:00

Arrived at the clinic Monday and the lovely receptionist tells us that we're in for insem not blood work (yay!). It's funny that all of the women in the waiting room know what everyone else is doing and I don't seem to mind. So she calls across to us to say we're in for insem. Then she asks "Is it donor number 286?". We say yes it is so then she walks over and gets it out of the freezer and all of the women are watching especially one woman. The receptionist sees her looking and says "Are you right darl?" And she says, "Yes I'm just interested." Hehehe so everyone in the wait room knows exactly what's going on. I got called in then so I hope they all sat there wishing me good luck!

J came in to the room with me, the specialist said my LH levels had surged on Sunday and he expected me to ovulate some time that day (Monday). So on the bed, pants down, speculum syringe and catheter used. He had no probs getting through the cervix which is what I was stressing about because I had heard a few woman talk about very uncomfortable IUI procedures. It all went fine and then up I got and off I went to work!

I had training all day and it was really funny sitting there with my work colleagues thinking about the swimmers and wishing them safe travel on the way up my fallopian tubes!

I'm feeling quite relaxed now about everything now the first procedure is out of the way. We're back to hoping that we're successful by the end of the year and not putting too much pressure on ourselves for this cycle.

Weddings, new friends and another jab

2009-09-20T15:06:00.003+10:00

Have had a great weekend. Last night J and I went to our neighbour's wedding. We bought our house 12 months ago and in that time have become quite close to our neighbours, bonding over a fence we built ourselves, filling skip bins together and them using our bathroom for 2 weeks while they got theirs renovated! They are a great couple and have really wonderful family and friends, so of course the wedding was really special.

I normally hate weddings. At weddings here the celebrant says something like "in Australia marriage is the union of a man and a woman to the exclusion of all others". That gets me really cranky, and then I see their family and friends there all congratulating them and saying how proud they are and I always feel like we could never have that. Even if it were made legal my dad would never get up and say how much he loves J and how great she is for me etc.

Anyway enough of that rant because their wedding was really special, we felt very included and welcomed by their friends and family and just so happy for them!

Unfortunately though I had to be up early for a 7am blood test, so I'm feeling a little worse for wear today.

After that we hung out with a great couple who I'd never met before. J went out with some friends last weekend and met this great lesbian couple who she said were very similar to us. She told them that we find it hard to met like-minded female couples in our home town and gave them our number, suggesting they might like to catch up. She said she felt really nervous waiting for them to call or text all week, like after a first date! They got in touch and we met up today for brunch. J is right, they are a lot like us. They're in similar 'health / social justice' roles, they have travelled, they have been together longer than us and are very stable and committed, and we bought our houses at a similar time close to each other. AND they have their first fertility specialist appointment this week and are going to start trying to conceive as soon as possible!

J is such a legend for finding these two and then hassling them (while under the influence of a lot of beer) to be our friends. Here's hoping we stay in touch and both succeed in getting pregnant.

Almost there...

2009-09-17T22:31:00.001+10:00

A little update - ultrasound says follicles still have a way to go so have to go back Sunday at 7am (morning after a wedding!) for another blood test then insem Monday or Tuesday.
Doctor has been really great. We're very happy with him.

Birthday bludging...

2009-09-15T17:48:00.002+10:00

It's my birthday today so I have taken the day off work (first time ever and it's great I will do it every year now!). It's been a great day. J has taken the day off work too so we have been able to hang out together. Took the dog for a nice long walk and had a cofee with mum. She's doing household chores and I'm blogging and watching TV- NICE!

Called the fertility clinic and we go in for an ultrasound and more bloods on Thursday.

All in all, a great week!

Nothing to stress about

2009-09-14T08:32:00.000+10:00

Silly to stress really. Went in for a blood test. No ultrasound. Doctor said ovaries can sometimes be shy on the first cycle so don't worry if this cycle is longer than usual. Everything was good with my blood tests from a couple of months back.

I call them at lunch time now and they tell me when to come in next. Probably will come in Thursday for more blood and an ultrasound. Then iui sometime between Saturday and Wednesday.

I'm feeling much more relaxed about it all now.

-- Posted from my iPhone

Trepidation

2009-09-13T20:23:00.003+10:00

First appointment at the specialist tomorrow for blood tests and ultrasound. HOLY COW HERE WE GO!

We start

Hopes (and Fears)

2009-09-11T20:41:00.002+10:00

Things always work out for J and I.

It gives you a false sense of security I think - makes you think that despite knowing the odds you might be one of the flukey ones that gets a BFP on IUI#1.

I know that's unlikely but this little part of me hopes it might happen.

I wish I could be relaxed and casual but it's just not me. I want this too bad. 3 sleeps then we have our first blood test and ultrasound. That will be CD9 so guess we'll then find out which day we go in for IUI #1.

As usual I'm obsessing. Talking J's head off at night about baby stuff. She says "let's just get pregnant first". Arrgghh she's so calm!

Karate Kid

2009-09-07T22:17:00.001+10:00

This is from my last karate grading. Cool hey?!

-- Posted from my iPhone

It's ON!

2009-09-07T20:02:00.002+10:00

Yes, we did the maths, we sold things on eBay, I looked into my pay and found out I was owed some backpay, I have also started tutoring at uni 2 hrs/week and... drumroll please... we're starting in September as originally planned! Woo Hoo!

Second exciting thing is that my period has come and that means I am on CD2 today. Tomorrow I will call the fertility specialist and make an appointment for our first round.

I think I will get J to call, because I get nervous making calls sometimes. Silly, I know, but I do!

So in about two weeks I will find out how uncomfortable IUI really is and will start my first TWW. In four weeks J and I will be taking pregnancy tests. Holy crap!

We have it in our head that it will take 3 - 4 months to get pregnant. Don't know why, we just do. Every month we don't get pregnant is more maternity leave for us, so if it takes a little while, hopefully we will be able to see the positive side.

So now that we're beginning I think I'll start actively participating in this blogger community, instead of being inspired by lots of great women but being too shy to post.

Shiver-me-timbers, I never thought we'd get here but we HAVE!

How cute am I?

2009-08-30T07:33:00.002+10:00

This is our beautiful dog Mr C. Isn't he divine?!

Toe hurty

2009-08-30T07:32:00.001+10:00

Had a karate grading yesterday. I'm very sore. Especially my toe which feels like it's broken.
Meanwhile J and I have sohans few things online and think we might be able to start IUI in September after all! woo hoo!
Having a hard time with my family lately. After 5 1/2 years together my dad's still rude to J. This is really starting to get to us. We don't know what to do about it because the rest of my family is so great.

-- Post From My iPhone

I'm a whinger

2009-08-15T19:55:00.002+10:00

Yes I am. I really, really wanted to start in September but it's just not going to happen. I just spent time double doing the maths but there is no way it will happen. I'm impatient and a whinger that's for sure

Bummer

2009-08-13T20:06:00.000+10:00

Still feeling bummed about having to wait to start TTC until October. That's all.

Hola from DC!

2009-08-03T04:36:00.004+10:00

Well I am in the States at the moment for work. Just caught up on the blogs I have missed recently. It is exciting watching people's ultrasounds and hearing how people are going with their new bubs! Having a great time in the US but missing J deeply. 19 days feels like an eternity to be apart!

In the meantime, we have completely blown our budget lately for all sorts of reasons, including having to purchase quite a few plane tickets for travel we have planned for later this year and early next year, all of it unavoidable. So I think this means we will have to start in October. We had made a decision that we would start TTC after we clear the credit card, so we will need to wait I suspect. This makes me a bit sad but I will get over it I'm sure!

Up, up and away!

2009-07-21T20:01:00.002+10:00

Off to the US of A in 2 days. Starting to get excited now but at the same time dreading being away from the beautiful Ms J!

Meanwhile Ms J is getting clucky - she bought a cot and change table off a colleague at work hehe..

We start in 2 months. YIPPEE!

Time is flying...

2009-07-14T08:16:00.002+10:00

I can't believe it's been 11 days since we picked our donor. If our TWWs go this fast, they will be fine (although I suspect they won't be!). I have been reading lots of women's blogs and have found it great and sometimes sad to read about their TTC journeys. I am just amazed at how some women find the strength to keep trying for years. It's also a great insight into how I might feel when we finally are pregnant. Excited. Terrified to love something so much that you might lose.

J is starting to talk more comfortably about having this baby and us being parents. I hope she is OK. We had a deal that I would just keep ploughing ahead unless she sat me down and said she wasn't ready. So that's what I'm doing. Ploughing on.

Trying to take care of my health. Keeping the coffees down to one a day. Drinking lots of green tea. Trying to eat more fish. Taking a conception multi-vitamin. But... think I'm still eating too much refined sugar. J loves her desserts and I will eat anything that tastes good and is put infront of me! Will try to be better on that front. Also haven't been training in karate much. Sprained my ankle badly two weeks ago and couldn't train. MUST get back into training and get fit.

We have found our donor!

2009-07-03T08:30:00.002+10:00

Well we emailed the clinic today and they sent us 4 donors to choose from. All were good, so it was a great feeling being able to choose the one we wanted out of the four. It didn't feel like getting the Aus donor was going for second best.

We picked a man aged between 36 and 40, he has dark curly hair and an olive complexion, is medium build, doesn't believe in religion but follows a Buddhist philosophy, has two of his own children and is married, plays quite a few sports and says he is good at them, has studied horticulture and loves gardening with his kids, and is currently studying to be a primary school teacher. No health problems in his family. He sounds like a great match for us. Physically, he has a darker complexion but we like his temperament and he provided a lot more information than the others.

I have re-read the profiles this morning and still like him the best. I think I will delete the others because otherwise I will obsess over whether we have made the right decision!

It's all feeling very real now. I go overseas in 3 weeks for 3 weeks and when I get back I will be trying to prepare for my karate grading. Not sure if I will make it but I am going to try. And then we start TTC!!! WOO HOO! YAY!!

X chromosomes still seeking a Y

2009-06-29T20:20:00.004+10:00

J emailed our friendly semen donor coordinator. The semen released last week is not suitable for IUI so we have to wait until this Friday for "a couple" of new donors to be released. Please, pretty please let the Aus donors be OK...

Babysitting makes me clucky...

2009-06-20T22:36:00.003+10:00

Tonight I have been babysitting for a friend's 11 mth old and 5 yr old. Their baby was sick and couldn't settle so he fell asleep in my arms and I got to snuggle with him for ages. I am feeling super clucky and CAN'T WAIT to get started!

Love...

2009-06-17T05:02:00.002+10:00

I have never loved anyone as much as I love J. My love for her is peaceful and relaxed, deep, comforting, respecful, trusting, blissful, hopeful and divine...

I'm back in business

2009-06-15T21:41:00.001+10:00

I have been so vague lately with a) hardcore renovations around the clock (ie working on the house all weekend into the night) b) doing heaps of babysitting for our karate senpai who are trying to train lots in the lead up to their 4th dan grading and c) being very, very sick.

Tomorrow is a new day and I am determined to be myself again and get more focussed at work, train more for karate, and also have MORE time to relax - YAY!

Meanwhile J is very sick, I can hear her coughing in the bedroom, going to go and see what she needs and take care of her

I am so lucky

2009-06-12T12:29:00.000+10:00

J has taken such good care of me over the last few days. I am so lucky to have her. I got chicken soup for dinner, cookies, orange juice and olive leaf extract. I haven't cooked or washed up for days. J even started work late today to pick up my car from work and drop me at the neighbours (long story - we're getting our floors polished at the moment so can't stay at home). She is GREAT. I love her so much xxx

Still sick

2009-06-11T15:57:00.000+10:00

Have spent the day updating this blog to a new layout that I really like.

Not long now until we get to 'meet' the new Aus sperm released. Yay!

Meanwhile, AF still hasn't arrived. I am at CD32. Why is it that when I start tracking my cycle, I get a really long one - is it this long every time? I wouldn't know because I stopped tracking it since I have been with J and not been worrying about being pregnant (obviously!)

Sickey-Poos

2009-06-09T14:56:00.001+10:00

I am sick today. Took the day off work to recover. Heaps of things to do at home but I just can't get moving. Boo Hoo :(

Blissful Friday

2009-06-05T20:34:00.000+10:00

Could anything be better than a murder mystery on TV and a tub of Cold Rock ice-cream on a Friday evening?...

More Donor Dilemmas

2009-06-04T08:33:00.000+10:00

Called the clinic - the two donors next in line only have two vials left. Considering we only have a 20% chance each time, we decided to give it a miss. So... we have bit the bullet and told the donor coordinator we'll wait for the next round of Aus sperm at the end of this month, and if we don't like that, the next round of US sperm that comes in August.

Meanwhile, I am doing really well cutting the coffee out. Down to once cup of coffee and then drinking green tea. Sleeping much better too.

Bummed

2009-06-03T08:33:00.001+10:00

The donor we want isn't available. I took two days to call back to pay for the one we wanted and in that time someone else became his last 'family' in Australia.

Now I don't know what to do.

Diet and other crazy things

2009-06-02T08:07:00.000+10:00

I cut down to one cup of coffee as of yesterday. It was a LOOOONG day and I struggled. I drank three cups of green tea at work which distracted me but it wasn't the same. Have been looking up diet information and fertility. A lot of conflicting information out there so trying to sift through and make decisions. Like soy milk - some say it's OK and others that it's terrible. I am off dairy and drink soy because it helps minimise my hayfever. For now I think I will reduce my soy and have a yarn to my neighbour who is an acupuncturist with an interest in treating women and knows about these things.

We think we have selected a donor. His personality sounds like J - very steady has been with his wife since finishing college, has had three children of his own. But says he is competitive and driven - again similar to J. Has blue eyes which we want to pass on (I have blue eyes, J has brown) and light brown hair (with brown, auburn and blonde on his family) - again similar to J and I. Only negative is that he is nearsighted, which I am, and I hoped to not have to pass on my dodgy eyes. J said last night, "Whatever you do, your child will be blind. You just need to accept it." Hehe J is always the realist.

Going to call the clinic today and pay for our first vial.

Very exciting. It's going to happen.

Getting serious now

2009-05-29T18:54:00.000+10:00

We had our appointments with the fertility clinic today. Wow - what a day! We started our day by meeting the nurse. At first I thought she might be the psychologist, because she asked - So tell me abut your journey to get here today. And I'm thinking she can't be the nurse she must be the psychologist. And then as we keep going I realise the nurse and she's just asking standard question, and her journey question was more geared for people who have maybe been trying for ages and are infertile and have probably had quite a journey to get there to the fertility clinic. Anyway she didn't tell us anything we didn't know, except encouraged us to start taking folate now and sold us some vitamins!

Then I had a blood test where they check for all sorts of things including chromosomal abnormalities.

Then after that we saw the psychologist. I was most nervous about that appoitnment because I thought she might be judgemental, but she was really nice. She just walked us through who we were going to tell about the IUI, how long we would try for, how we would explain to the child, how we thought it might impact on our relationship.

Then the bit we had been waiting for two weeks for - the semen donor coordinator. There are only three local donors, and heaps of US donors to choose between. Also the US donors have a lot more information about themselves. The problem is that the US sperm costs a LOT more than the local sperm. We have taken the donor information away with us to think about over the weekend.

It's really hard 'picking' the donor of your future child. It makes it all feel very real, and it's scary not knowing what will happen at the end.

Anyway, lots to think about!

Meanwhile J keeps me very grounded. She is painting the office right now while I obsess about sperm donors! I love her so much.

Tired and counting down

2009-05-25T00:12:00.000+10:00

Have spent most of the weekend up and down a ladder painting. Tired. Not much news. 5 sleeps then we get to pick our donor sperm - will be interesting.

Blogging Helps Me Sleep

2009-05-20T04:54:00.001+10:00

Can't sleep tonight. It has been raining all day and very heavy (heavily?) tonight. Woke up a couple of hours ago and couldn't get back to sleep. Have been reading lots of other women's blogs - mostly women trying to conceive but also women who have just had a baby. Feeling very inspired by everyone's stories and persistence.

Can't sleep tonight because I have been thinking about my possible trip to the US which is looking more certain today. J is not looking forward to me going away. She really misses me when I travel for work, and often I share a hotel apartment with my manager and so it's hard to talk and catch up on things and be mushy!

We bought our puppy a Winter jumper today. He looks so cute and funny! When I next blog during awake hours I will find a way to post a photo.

Pre-Conception Health

2009-05-19T08:08:00.000+10:00

Have been reading lots of information about pre-conception health. Very keen to use acupuncture and naturopathy in the lead-up to our first attempt. Not sure when we should start though. Some therapists recommend 4 months beforehand (which is now) but that benefits them because they make more money out of it. Our neighbour is an acupuncturist so I might ask her.

Meanwhile I think I might be going to the US for work in July/August - woo hoo! That will definitely be a way to mark time.

Only last week the thought of waiting 18 weeks seemed a REALLY LONG time. Now I feel like it's going to whiz by. We have hardcore renovations for the next four weeks. Then I go to Sydney for my karate instructors black belt grading (I am babysitting their 9mth and 5yr old kids overnight while they grade). That brings me to the end of June.

Then I might be going overseas in July! By the time I get back from the trip we will be only 6-8 weeks away. YAY!

Weekend Fun!

2009-05-16T18:27:00.001+10:00

Out for drinks with friends tonight. Will be good after more renovations today.

Ran my list of "things to do" past J and we're both up for a trip to see my sister in Adelaide and some wekend activities like camping and mountain climbing. Will be good to look forward to something other than renovations on the weekends!

J driving us home tonight because she hit the alcohol too hard last night!

Meanwhile the dog is driving us CRAZY! Kept us up all night last night barking. Is this what it feels like with interrupted baby sleep?

Things to do between now and September

2009-05-15T23:20:00.000+10:00

Finish renovations
Climb one of the Glasshouse Mountians
Go Camping - Fraser Island?
Brown belt grading
Visit K in Adelaide
Spend time with Grandma
Go on a holiday with Charlie

Trying not to obsess...

2009-05-15T00:08:00.001+10:00

In a work meeting today. Get the calendar out and work out it is 9 fortnights, 18 weeks (minimum) until our first IUI.

Then start thinking - maybe it's not that important to make it to my next karate grading before we start TTC? Why do we need to save money, we can save during the pregnancy?

Call J who tells me I am obsessing. Nag her about it tonight. Tell her 4 months is a long time away. Remind her I quit smoking in December 2007 because she asked me to quit one year before trying to get pregnant and that I wanted to start trying in January 2009.

The beautiful and very grounded J reminds me that it would have been impossible doing renovations with baby. I agree.

Then I remember that it is me who wants to wait until after my karate grading, not her. And that the more we save, the more maternity leave I can take.

OK. Starting to relax a bit more now

. It's just after meeting the Fertility Specialist you just want to get started.

I am going to be obsessing bad after we pick the donor.

I know I should be enjoying our last few months as DINKS and I am going to try to. I should have a few boozy nights out, maybe we should go camping and do a mountain climb or two. Will think of other things we enjoy doing that are too hard to do with babies and book them in between now and September.

Greetings!

2009-05-12T23:18:00.000+10:00

J and I (B) have been together for five years and are still very in love and committed to each other. When we met it felt like we had always known each other - we really connect and understand each other and our relationship just works so well with so little effort. It's great. We consider ourselves a family, and have added to our family a host of animals over the years.

I have decided to start a blog because I feel we are embarking on a lonely journey at the moment. Lonely because even though there are many rainbow families out there, it's hard to connect with women who J and I have values and interests in common with, and also lonely because in a hetero world, it's hard to talk about your rainbow family and be truly understood.

My beautiful partner and I have been talking back and forth for a while now about starting our family. Most of the time I do the talking actually and J patiently listens while I get ahead of myself.

We have come now to a time where we are both ready to take the step and expand our rainbow family. We're in the middle of some serious DIY house renovations at the moment. When we get them finished in June, we will save foe a couple of months. Then at the end of August I have a karate grading which I want to get done before falling pregnant. So... September it is..

Aswell as having many conversations about when to start trying to conceive, we have also had many conversations about how to conceive. I find it very frustrating that we can't just have sex at the right time of the month, and that we have to introduce at least another person into the process (a donor). It brings up a lot of difficult issues we have had to talk through. We have had good friends and family offer to donate, and have got very excited. However each time when we thought it through we decided that our relationship with them was too important to risk if something went wrong in the process.

So we decided a while ago to go with an unknown donor. The problem where we live is that (we thought) that due to the shortage of donors we had to get US sperm shipped in at a HUGE cost ($950 per month!).

So... we have been advertising on online forums trying to find a donor who will help us to inseminate at home. We found a lovely man this week who we have been talking to. However he lives 3 1/2 hours away. When I started doing the research about exactly how we would make it work, my mind boggled... it was starting to sound like a major logistical exercise to get there after work on the right day and back to work in time for the next day! arrrggghhh!

Anyway, yesterday we called the fertility clinic we had originally been in contact and they have had an 'influx' of local sperm. Yay! This is much more affordable - only $150 every six months.

So we made an appointment to see a fertility specialist - we did today. He said my chances of conceiving are good due to my age, although the rates are only 20% per cycle so we should expect several cycles. He also said the local sperm, although cheaper, doesn't have as good motility as the US sperm due to the limited number of donations, so it's important we check this out.

Next step is a psychologist appointment, a meeting with the nurse coordinator and an appointment with the semen donor coordinator to pick out io the catalogue. We have to wait two weeks for this though... so we begin our first TWW of sorts.

I will have to tell the lovely man we've been talking with about donating sperm that we may not be needing his help after all, which I am sorry to do because he has been very helpful answering all of our questions.

My head is reeling from all the information I've been reading and absorbing lately. This blog is a great way to get it all out of my brain for a bit.

Off to sleep now. Off work tomorrow to do renovations, and dad is around to help early in the morning. My beautiful partner and both cats are deeply asleep on the bed, and puppy is sleeping in his pen on the floor in the room. All adorable and very peaceful!